


Decisions Made

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: I Promised You Forever (Evelyn and Malcolm Hawke series 3) [5]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, Post-Canon, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 05:25:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4693718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After burying the last of their children, Evelyn and Malcolm make some decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decisions Made

Evelyn leans against Malcolm as they stand by Lucy’s grave. Crying she tries not to think about what could have been if she remembered sooner. Ten years of living with the Dalish and on her own, she could have been with her children. Lucy wouldn’t have been alone after her siblings died. Glancing at Malcolm, she sees her agony mirrored in his eyes. Maybe he was thinking the same things.

“I can’t do this again.” Evelyn turns to face Malcolm. Fear crosses his face, tears running down his cheeks. “I don’t want to have children. It wouldn’t be fair to them if we had any. We don’t know who we are, and there’s the potential for us hoping we would have the same children.”

Pausing, Evelyn closes her eyes, fighting the urge to cry. “If something happens to us again, I don’t want to leave any children we’d have alone. It isn’t like the last life. We don’t have anyone who could take care of them.”

“You’re right. The possibly of something happening to us would be high, if anyone else found out who we were. We might as well paint the targets on ourselves.” Evelyn gives Malcolm a questioning look when his expression closes up. Doubt creeps into Evelyn’s heart. What if’s fly through her mind as she stares at Malcolm. What if he wanted children? What if it’s something he’s always wanted in this life? What if she is holding him back? Would he have been better off if he never met her again? Was there someone else he fancied?

Evelyn is pulled from her thoughts when Malcolm caresses her cheek. Shifting her gaze back to his face, her heart aches at his still neutral expression, but there’s something else in his eyes. Is it pity? “Shall we go back?”

Shaking her head, Evelyn moves out of his grasp. “Go on ahead. I need some time to myself, please.” She feels Malcolm stare at her for a moment, before leaving her in front of their children’s graves. Lowering herself to the ground, Evelyn pulls her knees up to her chest and starts to cry.

 

Malcolm walks the battlements, stopping where he first met Evelyn. He mentally beats himself up for how coolly he treated Evelyn. What made him act like that? It couldn’t have been Evelyn not wanting to have children, because he agrees with her. That and until he knew he had any before, Malcolm never thought he would find a wife, let alone have children. Remembering the look in her eyes makes him feel worse. He cringes at the thought of what must be going through her mind now.

Sighing, he turns to face toward the keep. In his mind Malcolm could almost see Evelyn, Varric, and himself standing there, talking about Coryfeus and the Grey Wardens. Malcolm wishes he could pull Varric out of his head. He needs his best friend to talk to.

Malcolm knows what he would say. He can practically hear him saying it. Taking a deep breath, Malcolm begins to retrace his steps back toward where he left Evelyn.

 

Curling up on Dorian’s chair, Evelyn stares off into space. She thought she ran out of tears crying at her children’s graves, but when she reached her best friend’s favorite spot, fresh tears welled up in her eyes. The mages in the library have politely ignored her for the most part. Some of them give her odd looks. Evelyn can’t blame them for thinking her strange. Most of them probably didn’t know Dorian.

“Is this what my grandfather would have wanted you to do?” Tamin’s voice cuts through her stupor.

Evelyn thought about what he might have said and smiles at the Qunari spymaster. “Yes, for a time. Though he would have wanted me to be more dramatic about it, then he would have suggested we raid the wine cellar.”

Tamin laughs at Evelyn, a wry smile on her lips. “Would you have done it?”

“Sometimes, though we usually ended up replacing whatever we took. We’d also raid the kitchen. The cook would leave us something special when we were in Skyhold.” Warmth fills her heart. A faraway look in her eyes as Evelyn recalls late nights in the library with Dorian, a bottle of wine, and a tray of cookies.

“Are you any closer to finding out who you are?” Tamin asks, the expression on her face shifting from cheerful to concerned. The appraising look in the Qunari’s eyes reminds Evelyn of Bull when he was trying to figure something out about her.

“Yes and no.” Evelyn stands up, stretching her back. “I know who I was before I got my memories back, and who I was in that lifetime. I don’t know who I am now that I have both sets of memories.”

“Are the lives so different that you couldn’t just take what you want from each?”

Evelyn mulls her words over a moment before shaking her head. “They are similar in some aspects, and vastly different in others.”

Tamin nods at her, tapping her arm thoughtfully. “Do you plan on staying in Skyhold long?”

“No, I’m hoping to leave soon. I want to see a healer before I go though.” Evelyn studies Tamin’s expression and body language before continuing. “I do not want children.”

“Very well, I’ll bring you to the new First Enchanter. She studied with Lucy, and is discreet when helping women with these things.” Tamin gestures for her to follow before walking away, not looking to see if Evelyn followed.

 

Malcolm paces outside the tavern, worried about what might be keeping Evelyn. She wasn’t in the garden when he went back. Not knowing her favorite places to go in her past life, he wandered around hoping to find her. In the end, Malcolm decided that she would eventually come back to their room.

When Evelyn does appear, countless what if’s and worst case scenarios have already run through Malcolm’s head. He sprints toward her, and pulls her into a tight embrace. When he lets go of her, Malcolm quickly looks her over, to make sure she’s in one piece. Evelyn cocks an eyebrow at him, giving him a puzzled look. “I was worried about you when I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m confused. You have generally been like this with me, but this morning you were cool if not cold. Why is that?” Evelyn bites her lower lip, looking away. Malcolm caresses her cheek, gently shifting her gaze back to him.

“I don’t know why I behaved like that, and I am sorry for hurting you.” Leaning into Evelyn, Malcolm kisses the tears dotting her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too, but what if it isn’t enough?” The sorrow in Evelyn’s voice shatters Malcolm’s heart as though it were made of glass. “What if you realize you want something I can no longer give you?”

A silence settles between them as Malcolm tries to understand what Evelyn said. He watches her place her hands on her stomach. It’s then that he realizes what she meant. “I won’t want children. I just want to be with you.”

“How can you be so sure? You might think that now, but come to resent me later.” Evelyn walks past him toward the tavern. She pauses, looking back at him. “I can’t stay here any longer. I need to leave. You may come with me, if you want. I just want to get the few things in our room first.”

Malcolm waits for her to come back, standing by the entrance. A few minutes later, Evelyn reappears, carrying the black leather bag Inquisitor Cailan had given them. Evelyn nods at him, and strides toward the main gate.


End file.
